Really awesome stuff happened today, also a sad thing

I woke up in one of those OHMAHGAWD I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO TODAY moods in which I dread EVERYthing. Sometimes, taking care of all these pets is exhausting. But always worth it, always always always. It was a very no bullshit kind of work day, lots of shopping and cleaning and cooking and maintaining. But when I get started, and seeing the accomplishment, I start feeling pretty damn cheerful.

I tended the chickens, at the same time I shared some Fritos with my kid. Two of the chickens were clucking at me the whole time to just give them some chips already. I did let them try them, even though they are not healthy, but just a little bit since it delights me so much to have them eat out of my hand.

I made a batch of dog food. I noticed some changes in all three of my dogs since I started feeding them human quality food. My senior dog is more energetic. They all are, but the difference in her is really something. Shinier coats, healthier teeth, and I feed them less. I'm not sure if I'm actually saving money, but I'm pretty sure they are healthier. I don't have to worry so much about recalls on dog foods, treats, or anything like that. I make their food, once a week, and store some in the fridge and some in the freezer. Their treat are organ meats and dehydrated fruits and veggies. No chemicals, no preservatives, it is an awesome thing indeed.

Finn, born on Halloween.

So Finn was born with a deformity. Being short on funds, and feeling that a veterinary evaluation was imperative, I started begging people for money to help out. He was born to a rescued stray, after all. People were happy to chip in. I began corresponding with some people at a kind-of local veterinary college. "Nothing we can do, needs x-rays", and then a veterinary clinic, which advised me to euthanize the little guy. Mama did not reject him, and he was larger and stronger than the rest of the little. He was nursing well, and lovable. I thought euthanizing was not an option. All the creatures have value. People use special needs pets as therapy pets for special needs people, he is still loving and worthy of love. So I kept on collecting. I noticed though, that his legs seemed to be self correcting. And today, I was able to return every cent given to me for his vet care. His little legs are almost all the way straight. They may always be a little wonky, but they are nowhere near what they were. I am super happy. I thought I would have to enlist a friend to build a wheeled cart for him, I thought no one would want him, I was really worried about all the problems he would have as he grew older, and my heart was breaking. But now! Amazing progress. I didn't take a picture though. Maybe over the weekend.

Sometimes I am disappointed in people as a whole. I am poor. I really am. We scrape by, and do the best we can. We rarely buy new things, I am super thrifty. I refuse to allow our financial disadvantages to define us, to limit us any more than necessary. It's a hard thing, but money is just money. I recognize that while we are in dire financial straits NOW, it is not a permanent thing. While we are not able to eat out, and every penny counts and there is no carelessness with money, we have a roof over our heads, functioning utilities, food to eat. We are OKAY. We are, in many ways, thriving because of it. Building character, learning new things. If we had loads of money, would I know anything about baking? gardening? chicken keeping? cooking from scratch? Would I be as strong as I am now? No.

*Disclaimer: I am so not being sanctimonious. I am just sharing.

ANYWAY, I was with my 5 year old, we had just gone to the Redbox to rent a movie, when I decided to stop in at the store to see about some new kitchen utensils. Rubber spatulas or something, you know. My stuff is getting worn down, I wanted to replace some stuff. There was a man standing outside the door, holding a sign that said "Please help. I am homeless and hungry". He asked me for money, but I didn't have any. "Do you want something to eat?" His eyes watered and he nodded. So I went in, and customers were complaining about him asking for money. They wanted him to go. And I thought, how sad it would be, to need something as simple as food, and have people just HATE you for it. To have them want you to GO AWAY.  People were just SO ANGRY I couldn't believe it. It made me so angry at them. Because here is this man, not dressed appropriately for the cold snap that is coming in tonight, just needing FOOD.

I bought him three big cans of soup, a box of crackers, some apples, and a spoon. Because I have, and he does not. As limited as my income is, I can find a way to share. There is food in my house, I cooked a beautiful meal for my family. I have a roof over my head, and electricity and warm blankets and food and everything I NEED. I didn't buy anything else. I left the kitchen utensils there, because what I have may not be pretty but it serves its purpose.

As I was being rung up, a male employee said "Imma tell that mothafucka to go on" and he walked to the door.

I think of the time in my life I have been $5 away from begging. And how hard it was for me to realize that had certain people not been in my life at that time, I would have been out on the streets, with kids. It is a long, sad story I will maybe tell later. "Hey! Where are YOU going when you get off of work? From your PAYING job? HOME? Are you going HOME? What did you EAT today? You can leave him the fuck alone." That's what I said to him. And he, in that haughty, superior way young men have, rolled his eyes at me.

A female customer became confrontational. "Oh, are you OFFENDED because I complained about him being out there begging? It's unappropriate. I got KIDS." (She said 'unappropriate'. I said O.o)  As if having kids does not allow you to care for anyone else, as if you must only think of them and no one else, no matter what. "I really don't give a shit what you say. I don't care what you THINK. I'm pretty sure he's hungry enough to not really be worried about whether or not something is APPROPRIATE. And you know what? I hope no one treats you the way you treated him."

I argue endlessly with a friend of mine who thinks one should never give to someone begging. It's HIS hard earned money, he is not giving it away to someone BEGGING. But just because someone is begging does not mean they are worth less. WHY are they begging? We don't know. Mentally ill and homeless (most are), a drug addict run out of money (a possibility), we don't know. So maybe, we can just err on the side of compassion. Maybe not give money, maybe ask them if you can buy them something to eat. And then you did the right thing, because who cares if they are doing the right thing or not. It's not about them, whether you choose to share or not. It's about YOU. Who YOU are, and whether or not you let the world change you.

He took the bag, and walked away, without a word.